It's been a strange week with a lot of people re-surfacing from the past. Not in a ghostly, creepy, Christmas Carol sort of way. But in a fashion that reminds me that sometimes, when you have history with people and you have a fallout, a breakup or just an unexplained separation, it doesn't mean that they don't think about you. Sometimes, it takes someone stronger than you to simply initiate a reunion. Or let you know that you've made an impact on their lives. Or say they are sorry and want to win your friendship back.
Wars could be solved like this. When is the last time someone has said they are sorry to you and you don't instantly soften? The power of those words could move mountains and save the world.
Most recently I've found, by the nature of my job, that our social calendar is fully booked. Clients become friends, we shoot their event and then move on to the next; all the while I'm clinging to the memories that we've just formed and feeling a sort of cheapness about moving on to the next, while still revelling in the high of the now.
There are some days when I feel as though I have not one square smidge of room left for new people in my heart or in my life. We can barely commit to the friends that we do have. (On a side note, I have recently discovered that I am a much better summer friend than winter. It's not because I don't love you or want to see you. It's because I want to stay inside in my jammies like a granny until the sun comes out! I hope you'll accept me and our semi-annual arrangement.)
Anyways. I guess I'm just feeling very blessed at the moment. Things have been rough this year with me starting a business around the same time Michael lost his job. There are nights when I wonder how we will get through this. And then a bride calls to book us. Or a competitor sends us business. Or a stranger throws a real estate team to me. Or Martha Stewart and Anderson Cooper affirm Michael's talents. Clients offer to help. Friends offer a hug. Family support is indescribable. Our referral network is insane. We have formed trusted alliances with people who strictly refer us for photography services and we do the same for them. Wedding planners, makeup artists, electricians, real estate agents, chiropractors, florists, jewellery designers. Like a trade bank, if you will.
Randoms come and go, and we can't devote our life to everyone. Connecting with friends we haven't seen in a couple of years, shows me exactly how much has gone on from point A to point B. On a daily basis, in everyone's lives, small changes are made. It's only when you look back in the rearview mirror that you realize the magnitude of the changes and just how different you've become, and all that you've survived.
Recently I've been trying to clean up my 140,000 photos that reside on my computer. Photographs are a funny thing especially when you stumble upon the ones where you realize, we were best friends. And so happy. And now we are nothing. Or we were acquaintances. And I let you in my life and you hurt me. And when I see you, you smile at me. And I stare blankly back at you. Because I feel nothing for you. Zilch. And I'm not pretending to be strong. You really don't matter to me. At all. (Best feeling by the way). Or we pass someone on the street and tell them we need to catch up and do coffee, all the while knowing that the meeting will never occur but it feels good to at least make the verbal effort.
Or the opposite. We were strangers then. How could we once have been strangers, when we now talk every day? Stop and think back to that first meeting, and how that initial conversation could then change your world forever. I like to revel in these memories. I'm a statistics kind of gal. I like to see progression. I like to see how far we've come and how much people have changed and grown. In a world obsessed with before and after makeovers, I am constantly drawn to the after. The results. The hard work. Goals met. Bonds strengthened. Mistakes learned. The better version of ourselves and our relationships.
A very close friend of mine this week told me, if we didn't argue, we wouldn't be human. Because stifling your feelings keeps it all bottled up and you are bound to explode on each other. I just hold my breath in a new relationship; wanting to avoid any arguments at all costs. And yet, my best friendships are the ones where we have aired our feelings, accepted each other and redefined our relationships based on our truths and our flaws. And we tread lightly as to not make the same mistakes again, we cherish getting through the troubled waters together and value the new and improved, re-invented versions of ourselves. We can laugh about our silly squabbles and thank God we have surpassed those awkward moments of our first fight.
Let's make a promise to each other, to always strive to be the best version of ourselves. To learn from the ghosts of our past, to speak kindly in the present and to dream big for the future.
Have a wonderful day.